The older I’ve gotten the more I have realized that I am not an easy read for others with my emotions. I have come to this characterization based on the many conversations I have had with people. Like when confronting a cheating boyfriend. I supposedly couldn’t be told the truth because I would get angry and be unforgiving. When in reality I would be hurt and feel embarrassed. I would have rather known the “why” behind the actions rather than invest in anger. Or the Cousin who treats me like a 16 yrs. old nun even in my 30’s. Never being fully honest about what they do and who they are and when trying to relate be told that I’m young and couldn’t possibly understand. I have learned that experience doesn’t always come by age nor does wisdom. As I know some pretty wise young people. Or the co-worker who says they didn’t want to tell me about an opportunity because they felt I wouldn’t be interested in this or that. When at this point in my life I am open to going into many directions. Or when a person outright says I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I’m crazy and something is wrong with me but I’m normal, I’m ok. It’s as if they are spewing out their own thoughts and insecurities about themselves and not how I see them. When hearing things like this pertaining to me I wonder how they come to these conclusions? It can be quite frustrating and exhausting to deal with.
Assuming the reaction a person should have is the worst assumption to make. Although we are all connected in this world in some way and somehow we have to understand different experiences trigger different reactions. So we cannot take our reaction and put it on someone else in an attempt to steer the outcome for two with only an individual thought. This is unfair. Even if I acted in the way stated in previous interactions why assume I haven’t grown in any way? People grow, people change it is inevitable. I have had this discussion with some of my previous boyfriends in an attempt to set us up for success with trying to have an understanding of each other. I tell them that I will change. I will grow but don’t think of this as negative thing. As human beings we grow, we learn, we evolve and hopefully it is into the person
we desire to be. So if I am not wearing makeup now that doesn’t mean I’ll never get into it. If I am unaffected emotionally by political issues now that does not mean I won’t become a political activist later. I am open to being the best at whoever I am to be and whatever I am doing. All I ask is for a person to not remain stuck on the person they met but remain open in growing together. Sadly, although I’ve stated this time & time again to the point where it sounds so good that I find myself stepping off my pedestal by the end. It doesn’t seem to resignate well. I guess it is safer to be with someone who claims they will never change. As the honest person I am I cannot guarantee that. I can only guarantee that when I don’t feel like I love you, I’ll respect you. When I feel like I can’t respect you, I’ll like you. When I feel like I don’t like you, I’ll love you. Because this is me. This is JustTree