I’ll take prayer

“What sorrow awaits those who argue with their Creator.
Does a clay pot argue with its maker?
Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying,
‘Stop, you’re doing it wrong!’
Does the pot exclaim,
‘How clumsy can you be?’
How terrible it would be if a newborn baby said to its father,
‘Why was I born?’
Or if it said to its mother,
‘Why did you make me this way?’

This passage makes me laugh. I am definitely one to argue and envisioning a clay pot telling the Creator, “no, you’re doing it wrong” is funny. Like who the heck are you clay? Don’t get me wrong I do understand the importance of choosing my battles wisely. I reflect on how I’ve argued with my parents. Not so much about who I am and how I am. In my early 20’s I took a handle on who I was and how I am. I’m not going to blame my cheapness on buying shoes due to my mother not buying me $100 Jordan’s nor will I blame my father for bad eating habits for not feeding me veggies with every meal. I am an adult who can read, watch and learn. If I want to buy cheap flats for $8 so be it. If I choose to not eat healthy so be it. If I continue to remain in old habits due to my adolescent upbringing then there’s no one to blame but me. But the passage isn’t referring to habits now is it? It’s referring to questioning spitefully and arguing with the Creator. This…now this I have done. I think I just did a few weeks ago actually.

2016 was a crazy year for me. To not argue with the Creator? Oh I argued. I cried. I yelled. I begged and I broke. Knowing that He controls ALL things yet will let me struggle at times frustrates me. People always focus on financial struggle but my struggle can come in many ways like with my thoughts,parenting, my career, my temper, and my unanswered questions. When I speak of these frustrations to some of my fellow Believers they’ll give me some cliché statement which as I stated in RELATED STRANGERS I hate.  I’d rather hear a relatable experience about how you came too and made it through. Not give me a passage in hopes that it’ll help me out. “Stop, you’re doing it wrong.” I need to know what YOU did. I know in Christ we are new creatures but you do go through right? Life ain’t easy right? It still feels unbearable at time right? Hmm…Maybe it’s just me. Don’t get me wrong I’ll take prayer. I do believe prayer is a powerful thing.

I realize in arguing with the Creator I am undoubtedly the fool in the conversation. I sometimes think of Job. How Job had it all. Then it was taken away from him as a test. How his friends told him he must have sinned and that’s why he was going through. I remember him wishing he was never born and that was the one thing that went against God’s will. Man, I’ve spoken words way worse than Job during my arguments. Bald she-hulkup my fist and was so angry. I turned into what I call the She Hulk. All Job wished for was to never had been born? Geez lousie thank the Lord for repentance. I recall a friend of mine who told me when I was going through things that I needed to repent. I wasn’t sharing anything about my life at the time with her but she was a heavily righteously dedicated to her church and she used the “friends of Job” line with me. I was kind of blown away. So my struggle comes from the sin I have committed? Interesting, or I could be going through a test. Either way when I speak to the Creator I come from a place of a relationship. I don’t speak in thee or thou’s. I sometimes speak slang and I speak from the heart no matter how bad it sounds because He knows what I’m going to say before I say it and He knows what I am already thinking so why hide it? Why focus so much on impressing Him with my speech? I need to get out what I need to say whether that be in my heavenly language or sobbing woes. I trust that I am loved unconditionally by Him and that although I need to become more disciplined in my temperament He trusts me enough to go through and come out on the other side. Next time the She Hulk tries to rev up I’ll remember clay and how easy it is to be crushed. How my little butt needs to calm down because the last thing I want is to be broken in half knowing that what He left behind for me gives me enough strength to hold it together and equable enough to hear His still small voice. Because this is me. This is JustTree

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