Have you ever had plenty of things to do but felt like you had nothing to do? That’s how I feel right now. Half of my sink is full of dishes and my floor needs to be vacuumed something awful. Yet, I feel like I have nothing to do. I’m going to put this meatloaf in the oven and warm up these mashed potatoes but that’s not really “something” to do. Just following the routine of the day. Sometimes I get so much into my routine I become an automated drone. I’ll drive to a destination forgetting what I seen on the way and really anything from getting in the car to getting out. I feel like I jump into auto mode. You know like how when you’re in a conversation that doesn’t interest you. So you, “uh huh and oh yea’” your way through it. I mean after days of going to work, helping with homework, cooking, cleaning over and over and over again I start to feel anxious. I get impulses to do something to escape the raggedy routine that adulthood brings. Maybe I’ll go out and dance so much I sweat my hair out? Or go have drinks with some friends and laugh the night away? Or get a tattoo? Or maybe just maybe I’ll finally get a Mom cut and dye my hair green? Then I start thinking about the time, money, money and money and how I need to get back to my routine because if I don’t take care of the things now who will? Yet, it would be so nice to be irresponsible. I mean really irresponsible and careless screaming YOLO! Although I understand I will only live once I don’t feel like I have to live it all in one day. I don’t expect to live forever but I’m one of those people who do expect to wake up the next day. That may be a bad thing but I don’t feel that it holds me back from taking chances or stepping outside of my comfort zone. When I do things that are impulsive or embarrassing for others to do it comes quite easy. Only because I try to put myself in the mind state of a 75 yrs. old woman. A 75 yrs. old woman I would imagine wouldn’t be bothered by walking around other people naked. I would expect that falling in love with someone in one night is achievable. That telling loved ones you appreciate & love them would be expressed regularly regardless the state of the relationship. And telling the world this is who I am, this is what I’ve been through; isn’t all about telling your business to get attention but sharing a story. Forgiving comes easy, loving comes easy, experiencing comes easy. So I figure why wait until I’m 75 yrs. old? Now if I could just get my pride issue in order? That’s another post for another day. To sum it all up we are born not caring about what others think. Then as we grow up, we grow aware of others and their beliefs and their thoughts and their limited thinking and we begin to care. Then as we get old, we slow down, we relax and we learn what we truly care about. Now, all this could be hogwash and what I’m describing myself as could possibly be clinically diagnosed. But who has time to think about all that? After all, I’m just trying to find something to do besides clean a half sink full of dishes. Because this is me. This is Just Tree.