WONDROUS MIND

When you have a lot on your mind it’s hard to focus on one thing. I can open my eyes thinking about my son, then pour coffee to thinking about the report I need to look over at work. Eat lunch to a conversation I had with a friend, review the report while thinking of my date and pick up my son thinking about how his day was in school and if he was disruptive. These are just examples of some of the things that run through my mind and what I seek solutions for. I cannfocusot focus on only one thing because then another will get neglected. I have to focus on my son in order to ensure his well-being is intact. I have to focus on work because currently that is how the roof stays over our head and the food stays in our belly. I have to focus on my friends because I’ll seem selfish if I don’t contribute to the friendship. Although they do not fall into the same value in priority they are still important things for me to focus on. I had someone tell me once they took Ritalin to help them focus when studying for a test or when they need to focus on something. I’ve never taken anything to try to focus more. I usually go with the whole attempt to get a full nights rest, eat healthier (food affect my mood) and maybe some coffee. I feel like taking Ritalin to focus is cheating. Just like I feel that smoking marijuana and drinking to dull emotional pain and escape reality is cheating. I’ve gotten backlash for expressing these thoughts in the past. However, for those of us who go through life sober it’s hard. It’s sometimes unbearable but it can be done. I am not going to lie and say I never wondered what it would be like to take a stimulation substance and see if I perform better at work or if that would give me the push I need to go back and finish my Masters. If I’m going to accomplish a goal I really want to do it sober with a clear conscience.

What if I was forced to go off the grid? I wouldn’t have curl irons, pressing combs and smelly good hair gels. I wouldn’t have nail polish or cosmetics to sustain my beauty. I wouldn’t have pills to dull pain. What I’m getting at is I try to stay natural in my present state as much as necessary. I don’t ever want to become so dependent and rely on something to the point where if it’s ever taken away I would feel like I couldn’t survive or achieve success. I try to remind myself of these things when it comes to electronics, food or anything I notice becomes habitual whether with me or others. I believe it was Lincoln who stated you don’t always have to learn from your own mistakes you can learn from others. I choose to not put things into the “can’t live without it” category.  Ironically enough, I’ve never been camping. I’m assuming with camdrowningping I would really get the feel of being natural and going off the grid. Using leaves for toilet paper or eating a meal prepared over an open flame that was not in a restaurant. I believe I would embrace it. But saying how I would be and being in the situation to actually be that way are two different things.  So I continue with the many thoughts running through my head as I try to think of my next step, my next solution while staying afloat in faith. Some days I feel like I’m drowning waving my arms and feet as fast as possible to get back to the surface. Somedays I feel like I’m sitting comfortably in a row-boat eating a tuna sandwich admiring my surroundings. So, I don’t really know if I’m doing a good job at it all. I just know I’m doing it. Because this is me. This is JustTree.

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