I started my day with a Parent Teacher conference. I believe it went well. At least I hope it went well. I feel we covered a lot of ground and the Teacher does care about my child’s well-being. He has been having trouble adjusting in school. It can be quite stressful for me because the way he is described in the classroom is not how he is at home or around family. I have had friends tell me they can’t believe some of the stuff he does in school because he comes off so well-mannered when with them. I asked him why he doesn’t listen to the Teacher & he told me because his Teacher can’t discipline him. He listens to me because I will. The thing is he’s going to get disciplined either way. I guess in his mind he doesn’t see it that way. However, I do believe the meeting today helped. Every day when he leaves for school I feel this knot in my stomach. I know, I know that’s horrible. Yet, I do. I pray he has a good day and listens to his Teacher and doesn’t become disruptive. I have a friend who has gone through what I’m going through so her support helps so much. If it wasn’t for her I would feel completely alone. People see him act up and in my mind they are assuming I am a disconnected parent who doesn’t pay attention to him. Once in children’s church he acted out and when I picked him up one of the teachers told me he needs more attention. As if I didn’t already give him attention. He’s my only child. I mean of course I give him my attention. We read together, do homework together, eat together, play boardgames & video games together. Here I am trying to explain myself. The jist of it is, look I pay attention to him. I enjoy spending time with him. It’s just when he gets around a group of people (noticeably kids) he has to be seen whether for good or bad reasons.
Of course, I am looking into ways of helping him control this behavior. He came home from school before holiday break saying, “I need other people to calm me down”, “I drink too much soda that’s why I’m hyper”, “I black out when I’m mad”, “I’m a handful” , “I can’t control myself.” Now when he said these things I immediately asked him who told him this? He said he thinks them. Now my child just started grade school and I know he didn’t come up with these things himself. These are things he has been told by his teacher and other adults in the school. As a parent I think it’s horrible for an adult to put these things in as a child’s head. I feel it’s horrible taking away the responsibility from the child and labeling them. I started telling him he can control his actions and asked when was the last time he had soda? After thinking about it, going over a few scriptures and reminding him of being responsible for his actions he stopped saying these things. Gosh, it’s like no matter what I try to protect my son from he’s still going to get influenced by the outside masses. So I try my best to keep the communication open with him so he can feel comfortable telling me things that bother him. I wish his other parent was more active as I feel he could get more out of him as, “I’m Mommy”. Yet, at this moment my son’s other ½ is not very productive in reaching out. I say moment because I do believe one day they will have a consistent relationship at least that is a prayer of mine. I thought before like, “Lord, I’m already a single mother why is my child so difficult at times?” But when I think about it, what great person was average or fit into the norm of what society says? So at the end of the day I do want my son to behave but…I don’t want him to change his curiosity, his challenging nature and being intuitive. These are some of the things I love about his character. I was trusted to raise him. What an honor! So I’m going to keep on, keeping on and know that all will work out for the best. Because this is me. This is JustTree.