EVERYTHING IS FINE

Believe it or not I use to be a pretty private person. Transparent about some things and others I keep to myself especially regarding my family or struggles I’m going through. I do so because I don’t care to be judged, hear unnecessary comments, remarks or crush people’s idle image of which they “created” me to be. What is often the norm for others is not the norm of others. Yesterday I found myself having to reach out for support for understanding and wisdom. I have prayed and asked my family for prayer but there is a part of me that still feels like they do not get it. I will always consider their advice and even take it at times. In this current situation it is as if they are giving me advice on how to peel an orange when I need to slice up an apple. Maybe that’s because I’m not explaining the situation properly or because they’ve never been in my place to really give sound advice. There’s always a blaming factor when it comes to speaking with family. If something is a certain way it’s because of YOU. There is something YOU have done to have caused this. So like anyone else you start to examine yourself. What have I said? What have I not said? What have I done? What have I eaten? What have I seen? You take things into account that could contribute to why you’re in the situation you are in. Still that was not good enough for me. So yesterday during altar call I went up for prayer. I told the person with their open arms held out to me what hprayerad been bothering me. I also told her that I started to write again. See last year while she was praying over my house she was the one who told me, “God wants you to write.” I told her I don’t write anymore. I’m not a writer. She responded with, “No, you stopped writing.” Standing at the altar she begins to pray for me and goes through all the things I mentioned to her. She even mentioned me blogging. After service as I’m was going to get my son I run into another member. She asks me about myself and my sister. I first tell her, “I’m good. We’re good.” Then I stop and tell her the truth. She says she will pray for us and the kids. I walk off headed to get my son. As we’re walking towards the door she walks up to my son to give him a hug. She asks how he’s doing? How’s school? Again, I start to give the standard generic answer. This was not something I was going to talk about. But…I decide to tell her the truth. My eyes start to water and she looks at me & says, “Can we pray about it?” I tell her yes and she walks me to a private place of the church. She, my son and I join hands and we pray. She then tells me her own story about one of her children. The journey she and her husband had been on. The disagreements, struggle, protective nature and what path they took. She mentioned how well her child is doing now.Not exactly the same but similar and it was such a blessing to hear her story. Like I mentioned these are things that I usually would not share but the, “Everything is fine” response that we sometimes walk around with was not getting me results. Yes, there is a chance that both of these women can take my business and spread it across the church. However, I have a feeling they won’t. More importantly, I embrace the prayers they took out the time to do in regards to me and my house. I can’t do it alone. I need to stop doing it alone. I need to stop feeling like I have to do it alone. I have support I just need to open my mouth and sometimes my help simply comes in me sharing. Because this is me. This is JustTree.

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