Learning as life continues that I really don’t have to take control of everything. Even when I try that doesn’t guarantee that things will work out the way I want it too. The month of February has been one of reconciliation. As I’m sitting on the couch in my undies watching Criminal Minds eating ice cream for lunch I hear my doorbell. I jump up looking for pants. Shoot, no pants nearby. I run upstairs grab some pants and open the door. It’s my little nephew and he screams, “Auntie!” My son runs up to him & they hug. Soon walks in my sister and my niece. My sister says, “Hey! I was in the area and had some left over Chinese food so thought I’d stop by.” If you’ve been following my journey as stated in RELATED STRANGERS you’d know I hadn’t seen my Sister in 2 months due to a disagreement. I did reach out to her within the 2 months asking to see the kids but she hadn’t responded. We sat in my kitchen as she caught me up on her life. I invited her to my friend’s house that evening to celebrate a birthday and we all went to church together that Sunday. Although we didn’t talk about what happened I was grateful to have been able to spend time with her and the kids. The following week my best friend came into town for alumni week for college. We talked, listened to music and really opened up about somethings. We were drinking by noon and everything was just real chillax. I needed that chillax time. We even encountered some things I assume have been lingering on his end for a while; not so much mine and by the end of his visit our friendship was stronger. I can positively see how much he’s grown as a man and I’m proud of him.
It’s Saturday and I’m getting dressed to go to the Farmer’s Market to jump off getting back into the vegan life style. I soon hear a knock on my bedroom door. It’s my son and he’s says, “Mommy look who’s here?!’ I open my room door and 2 people are standing in my hallway. I scream,”Ah!” Not out of excitement but out of fear! I soon realize it’s my friend and her daughter. I hadn’t talked to her in 6 months. She said she had been in the area and wanted to stop by. You see we had a falling out as well and when I tried to reach out to her she didn’t respond. We caught up on our lives and spoke about what caused us to have a falling out. Apparently we both tried to reach out to each other but never got a response. After failed attempts we both got into our feelings and stopped trying. Must have been a carrier thing? Either way I was so happy to see her and I’m happy to have her back in my life. I love this woman.
I met a person recently who has been really big on self-discovery which is right up my alley. So as I’m reading the books he has been suggesting I come across a Tony Robbins movie on Netflix. I start watching it at work and it ends with me cooking dinner in the kitchen at home. 25 minutes into the movie I knew that I needed to call my Dad. My Dad and I had a falling out in November. I felt he had turned his back on one of my siblings and I was extremely upset about it. I didn’t stop at just feeling upset. I let him know and in doing so said some pretty nasty things I knew would hurt him. My Mom witnessing the incident told me I needed to repent and forgive. I told her I would in my own time when I really meant it. Within a week…or 2 I repented and I forgave him and myself but I still was not talking to my Dad. After watching the movie I thought about texting him but that would be a lame move. So around 9:30p I call him with my stomach turning and my nerves on edge. The phone rings a view times then goes to voicemail. I decide not to leave a message. About 20 minutes later he calls me back. I start with the usual small talk, “How was your day?”, “What have you been up too?” he was more than happy to share. Then I spoke on what I really called him about; to apologize. I told him how upset I was and that it wasn’t just the situation with my sibling that set me off but that there were things that stemmed from being a kid and it all came out at once. I then told him that regardless of the good and bad things that have happened I wouldn’t be the woman I am today. It helped make me a stronger person, a better person and for that I thank him and I love him. He said he forgives me and that people get mad, it happens but to not sit on it for too long. We talked about other things laughing together; as my Dad is pretty funny. Before we got off the phone he said how happy he was that I called. I was happy too. No more blocking my blessing and my true fulfillment in life due to malice and unresolved controversy. My desire is to point them out and uproot them and truly, legitimately heal. It won’t always be this easy but it will always be true to self. Because this is me. This is JustTree.